Every single news of her success left me with oodles of happiness moments whether it was her exam results, new hair style,first job, employee of month reward and the time i was low when she had a boring,annoyed and in a mayhem status on her wall post. I regret for being hapless as i can''t do anything to keep her away from mayhem,annoyance and boredom in that case, i Wish i was a joker who can at least entertain her (still sounds illusion). On every single occasion when I want to congrats her or clap for her, but i don't know how to do it .Most of time words are sort to come from my throat and palms struck together to have mute sounds instead of loud clap noise.
All i care is her whereabouts and well-beings. But the very next second black clouds of concerns shrouds me from all around and remarks of joy got diminished. The crater depth between both of us increases with every step of her on a success stair. From last three n a half year ,i was trying to move closer to her, on every single aspect. In-spite it seems like "Turtle and Rabbit "tale where rabbit goes too far and turtle still looking to match her.similarly she is on a fast lane and i was on dusky road and they will never accumulate . I knew that After a particular period of time in future when my subconscious mind assumes that miracle will happen ,in that case my conscious mind will not accept the truth .Believe in good luck,divine guidance,appropriate action and all blessings sounds hazy now a days.I have no idea what to call it insecurity or insanity.All i know is one thing that "i don't abhor her and even i don't think any bad happening for her "she is love of my life".Literary I am in turmoil with no options left either i have to maintain a distance or try more harder to get in her vicinity but in both the cases i ''ll hurt .It is better to die with a disease rather than to look for a medicine to cure it,once you consume it ,you just get addicted and addiction kills with every passing moment,action and a day.
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